Sex Stories vs. Sex Fantasies: What’s The Difference?

Summary: The most important difference between real sex stories and written fantasies is the writer’s mindset. This article describes how having the right frame of mind will help you tell the best imaginative adult story you possibly can.

Most people start writing down their fantasies because they have particular ideas that excite them — scenarios that the writer has imagined over and over, getting more detailed and arousing every time. The characters in these fantasies are usually the writers themselves and the kinds of people they know, or wish they knew.

Doing this is satisfying, but it doesn’t usually produce real stories. If you’ve read a lot of “sex stories” on internet archives, you will know this by instinct, because most of what’s on the archives is fantasy, not real storytelling. Even though the writing describes the sex in detail, and sometimes there’s even a plot, it’s just not that entertaining.

There’s a good reason for this: Fantasies are not written to entertain others, but to satisfy the writer. Often, people use sex writing as a way to resolve something in themselves — curiosity about sexuality, unanswered questions about old crushes, or trying to fill a longing that would never be filled in real life, such as a celebrity obsession. Readers may like the results, but that isn’t the primary purpose. These writers write to validate their own ideas; positive response from an audience is a bonus.

The adult storyteller’s mindset is different. If you’re this kind of writer, you probably started with writing down your fantasies, but now you’ve progressed beyond the need to validate your ideas. Now, you are intent on entertaining an audience with the products of your imagination. But what are stories, anyway? How do you know if you’re telling a story, or if you’re still just writing an elaborate fantasy?

You probably know a “born storyteller” in your circle of friends and family. Instinctively, this person will do things during the telling to get the best response from his audience — and he always has an audience. For example, he will frame events to get the best dramatic effect. He will spend time on setup and suspense. And he won’t be afraid to make “characters” out of himself and his friends if it spins a better yarn. Even if it means making himself look more like an ass, he will do it if he gets more laughs.

This is the same mindset you need to have if you want to be a real adult storyteller. It makes no difference that your story will have graphic sex in it; the rules don’t change. Stories are about what happens meaningfully to characters, including sex, and how they change as a result.

When you think like this, you will find yourself writing differently. You will consider your characters beyond the immediate page; they will have lives that precede your story and continue after it. You will move from stock characters to individuals who bring their individuality to the erotic action. You know you are there when you write the kind of sex that excites your characters, not just you, and the focus changes from the sex acts themselves to the characters’ reaction to the sex.

I’m not necessarily talking about romance, though that’s an easy way to bring meaning to sex scenes. Erotic stories don’t have to be about true love and end happily, but the action need to be significant to the characters. Just imagine if you read a story where the character randomly got into fist fights and didn’t think anything of them after they were done. That sounds unrealistic, doesn’t it? Why should sex scenes be any different?

And take a look at martial arts films. Most of them have the setup equivalent of “did someone call a plumber?” Some rival family killed the protagonist’s family, and now he has to kill ‘em all for revenge. This flimsy setup is all you get; the rest is scene after scene of acrobatic and intricate martial arts. I’ve watched old Jackie Chan films that had at least twenty fight scenes in two hours. But consider the movie “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.” That is story. The fight scenes aren’t as numerous as typical martial arts movies, but the fights are more powerful because they have meaning as well as great choreography.

This is also the difference between written fantasies and true imaginative adult stories. If you want to evolve your ideas into stories, you must start thinking like a real storyteller. It is a lot of work, but if you feel the call, you will find that taking on this mindset will help you tell the best story you possibly can, and get the most response out of your audience.

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